Monday, April 29, 2013


The recent proliferation of video chat has assured that there will always be at least one clean spot in my house: the spot right behind where I sit at the computer.  Thanks internet for making me a better housekeeper.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013


Opening a new tab and forgetting which website you were about to type into the address bar is the new walking into a room and forgetting why.  It takes less energy and it isn't quite as embarrassing to do in front of other people, though, so I guess that's progress.

Monday, April 22, 2013


The challenge for a human now is to be more interesting to another than his or her smartphone.  Thanks to mobile apps, dating is a bitch of an uphill battle if you're not the one with breasts in the relationship.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


There's not a year that goes by where I don't thank God for my college education.  Without all that practice knocking out term papers the morning they were due, I'm not sure how I'd ever get my taxes done.

Monday, April 15, 2013


The TurboTax mobile app is definitive proof that there's such a thing as too much portability.  There are homeless guys who spend their days ranting on street corners about the apocalypse who have more sense than to do their taxes on a phone.  I'm pretty sure this app is an IRS plot to more efficiently target morons for audits.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

65.) Make a career out of doing what you love.

Finding a job you love that pays less will pay off more in the long run. If you have to choose between a job in your field that pays less and a job in another that pays more, always choose the one you're more passionate about. You'll waste precious time at a job you're not interested in, when you could be working your way up the ladder in a field you love.


There are days when I feel like the only one in the entire world who gets me is Google Auto Complete.

Monday, April 8, 2013


There are times that it's all I can do not to explain to real life people, "I'm so much cooler online."

Wednesday, April 3, 2013


Thanks to the internet, they may as well start calling television news "Old News." I can't remember the last time I saw a story of the evening news that hadn't crossed my feed reader hours or days earlier.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

64.) Always be prepared to leave your current job.

People who can easily leave will have more confidence in everything they do, including negotiating raises. It's a job search cliche, but the best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Your insight will help people get ready, and they should take it to heart.

Monday, April 1, 2013


Anyone else find it confusing and creepy that all of the hottest porn on Tumblr is collected by underage teenage girls? Where were these girls when I was sixteen?