82.) Patience is just remembering that, as soon as it's over, you're just going to wish you could do it all over again.

Journal

My parents have reached an age where they repeat stories so often that I've started to think of them as my own personal NPCs. It doesn't help that they occasionally give me some random task that does nothing to help me level up.

Rant

Damn it. Why is my movie I’m watching illegally online buffering so much? This isn't what I didn’t pay for!

Rant

I'm watching YouTube videos of the Rocking New Year's Eve concerts that I missed, and it occurs to me that music was better when ugly people were allowed to make it.

Rant

To be fair, we should have a holiday in November to balance out Valentines Day by making people feel bad about having people who love them.

Oh wait, I forgot about Thanksgiving dinner. Nevermind.

Journal

At 14, all my mom could talk about was how getting a girl pregnant would ruin my life.  At 34, all my mom can talk about is how never getting a girl pregnant has ruined her life.

Journal

Sure, by my age my grandfather had fought a war, bought a farm, married, and had two kids, but I've got a phone that plays music AND video games.  Who's got time for kids with all that on my plate?

Journal

I want a girl I can take to Ikea, not in some bullshit "500 Days of Summer" way but because she's seriously passionate about Swedish design practices.

Journal

Whenever I pass a person preaching the apocalypse on a street corner, I just wanna stop, hand him a book of Lovecraft and ask "Have you read the Good News?"

Seriously.  Every Revelations preacher is just a goth kid who never blossomed, and it's all I can do not to help them along their way.

Journal

Have you ever just had one of those moments where you stop and think to yourself, "This is it. This is how I become a super villain."  Mine are starting to come one on top of the next.

I knew I was evil from a very young age.  I was always been very well organized, and really, that's the thing about evil.  It's always got a plan.  It's just that, lately, I feel like things are coming to a head.  I feel like, at any moment, someone's going to push me a hair's breadth too hair and BOOM, there's my super villain gimmick.

Rant

Honestly, at this point, I don't even watch television with any expectation of enjoying it.  I only watch series so that I understand what everybody is talking about online.

"Bullshit is everywhere.  (Are the kids still in here?  We'll deal with that later.)

Bullshit is everywhere.  There is very little that you will encounter in life that has not been, in some ways, infused with bullshit.  Not all of it bad!  Your general, day-to-day, organic free-range bullshit is often necessary, or, at the very least, innocuous.  "Oh, what a beautiful baby.  I'm sure it'll grow into that." That kind of bullshit in many ways provides important social-contract fertilizer.  It keeps people from making each other cry all day.  But then there's the more pernicious bullshit.  Your premeditated, institutional bullshit, designed to obscure and distract.  Designed by whom?  The bullshitocracy.

Rant

Mama always said, if you can't be a good influence, you just have to be a horrible warning.

The best of my many original (de)Motivation Posters and possibly my all-time favorite platitude.  As far as I'm concerned, you either wake up every morning of your life and work like a dog to meet the world's expectations, or else you get on with the business of unabashedly enjoying your life without shame.  Nothing in between has ever made any sense to me.

81.) The things you put into the world will be used in ways you never expected. And by idiots.

Don't ever think that you know what people will do with what you release.

Rant

Girls, if a guy wants you to learn how to play a video game, it means you are the most important person in his life... or, he needs a healer.

Journal

Girls: So... do you have any hobbies?
Me: Mostly, I just make sure that the internet doesn't get lonely.  It's not so much a hobby as a calling.

Rant

Remember the good old days when ms paint was enough to keep you happy for hours?

Rant

If I ever climb up a building and begin shooting people, it will have far more to do with Ray Bradbury's "And the Moon Be Still as Bright" than any video game.

Rant

Nineties Kids make the saddest adults.

Having witnessed the transition from the Industrial Age to the Information Age first-hand, we've become a generation mired in nostalgia for technologies that have been rendered obsolete.
We grew up playing with action figures and board games, only to graduate to Speak-n-Spells, Simon Memory Games, and Nintendos.  We've marveled as huge corded telephones have shrunk down to wafer thin computers carried in our pockets.  We've watched as our television offerings expanded from three fuzzy channels on a day with clear weather to five hundred channels of cinema-quality definition.  And we've reveled in the growing freedom afforded to us by global data networks that have evolved from BBS chat boards into realtime streaming video that carries the world into our home.

As a result of that rapid technological development, we've been left yearning for a childhood that seems to us to have been both simpler and far further in the past than reality.  For most of us "ten years ago" still means 1995, not 2005.  Cursive feels like an old friend, and each book sitting on our shelves is a treasured trophy of a journey through foreign lands to our eyes.

We understand the technologies our parents are still uncomfortable with, but we still remain capable of seeing the technologies our children take for granted as the miracles they are.

Torn between the two generation, we stand apart, the saddest adults.

Rant

Ladies, want to look five years younger?  Nothing makes you look like a broke ass college kid faster than an iPhone with a cracked screen.